Hope
by Lyoness of Avalon
Summary: Albel's feelings on hope. Oneshot, slight fluff.


I came up with this in the car, of all places. I just finished readingBlade silver: Color Me Scarred, about a girl who cut herself and I was just starting to read Pitch Black: Color Me Lost, this one about a girl whose friend just committed suicide. Pandora and the loss of hope just occurred to me so I went with it.

This has some Alnel fluff at the end but it's from Albel's perspective. It might be a little hard to follow, but it takes place over a few days and is in the present tense, exempting several things that happened in recent past.

Diane: (Disclaimer) We do not own Star Ocean or Pandora. Go find someone else to sue.

-

Someone once told me that when Pandora's Box was shut hope was shut with it. They must have been right. I see no hope, no light. The disgusting brunette Sophia is singing now. How can that foolish, perky, girl not see everything is dark?

Fayt is here now, urging everyone onward. He deserves to be with that brown-haired maggot. So cheerful, both of them. Or angry. What does he have to be angry about? He knows nothing.

A fight. The only thing that gets my blood moving. Seeing the blood of another, knowing I have control over them, that they are weaker than me, is how I know I am alive.

Nel is looking at me. Why does she do that? What can she be thinking? 'He's so pathetic. How can he kill them like that? Why don't you feel anything Nox?' She cannot know how I feel.

I am numb. There is no light, no darkness. There is only emptiness.

When did I become like this? Was it when my father died, when I ignored Nel's pleas for the second time, giving her all the reason in the world to hate me? It was before that. The light went out when Ari died. Even father was no reason to live after that. Perhaps I took the Ascension of the Flame Ceremony to prove there was light. Father was killed for my false hope. I was fool to ever believe there was light. Now I live. And for what? Only to prove that my will is greater than the wills of the people who expected me to die.

I hear Nel's laughter. She can still laugh after all this time. Does she believe there is hope? I leave and try to find something to kill. Even this brings me no joy now. It is just something to do, when they don't fight back. Feeling is gone. Only darkness remains, without hope.

I see the violet light of Nel's eyes. They shine with happiness. She still hopes. Could I steal hope from her? What would she want to do with me now, after so much time?

Her red hair whirls, following the turn of her head. She thrust her arm back, gutting a viper. Such beauty. Could it be mine? Never. What would she want with me, when she can have hope?

She spoke with Maria this morning. Now she is walking past me. I have no feeling. There is nothing in me. I tell myself this as she passes me and goes to her bedroll to sleep.

Does she remember what used to be, or wonder what could have been? Does she remember the hope we all shared, and the dreams we spoke of only to one another? Why do I remember this, from so long ago? I thought I had pushed it away, far enough away that it would never return to torment me again.

There is more fighting, and more following fools across the country. It will go on like this forever.

We break; and I feel cool hands place themselves at my temples. A rush of power, and aches I did not realize I had left me. Nel's voice came from behind, "I never forgot you, after Glou's death, and I never stopped loving you. Please forgive me for what I said."

Laying my hands over hers I reply, "It is I who should beg forgiveness." The words feel strange on my tongue.

She turns my head to face her. "Nothing you say could change the way I feel about you." She pulls me closer and kisses me, so full of passion, happiness, and other emotions I do not recognize. I kiss her back, my own hidden feelings emerging.

"I'd hoped you felt this way," violet eyes seem to whisper.

Someone once told me when Pandora's Box was shut hope was shut with it. They were wrong.

-

Well, that was it. More than a little random and probably hard to follow. I just jotted thoughts down I believed Albel would think. Feel free to review and say whatever you wish. Yes, this includes flames. I will use them to heat myself, because I am still cold after the winter.


End file.
